Aphorisms and quotes about accountants. Famous quotes from accountants and about accounting Phrases about accounting
A complex, exhausting and difficult profession, with constant reports, reconciliations and balancing, not like a child, tempers the specialists in their industry, making their minds sharper and brighter, giving rise to real catchphrases, aphorisms and quotes from accountants.
We offer you famous quotes from accountants!))
famous quotes About Accountants by Warren Buffett
The manager should not forget that accounting is only an addition to business thinking, and not a replacement for it.
Much safer to steal large sums with a ballpoint pen than miserable ones with a pistol.
It is better to be sure of a good result than to hope for a wonderful result.
If you use calculations, you will not necessarily reach the top, but you will not plunge into madness.
Rules for an accountant:
Rule #1: Never lose money.
Rule #2: "Never forget rule #1"
Quotes about accountants from famous people
The unprecedented thickness of this report protected him from the danger of being read.
Winston Churchill
Patriotism ends when it comes to taxes.
George Orwell
How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? “Four, because by calling the tail a leg, we don’t make it one.”
Abraham Lincoln
Damn lucky someone who never studied accounting. Then he would immediately understand that he was ruined. Well, everything seems to be going well.
Irvin Robbins
Only accountants can determine the date of the origin of the world.
Stanislav Jerzy Lec
There are three types of lies: bragging, lying, and…reporting.
Y. Bulatovich
The account book of one notorious office contained only two columns:
"Incoming" and "Outgoing".
A. Markov
Balance sheets are like war reports: the details are right, but the whole is a lie.
Round numbers always lie.
S. Johnson
A debit does not converge with a credit, but a person will always converge with a person.
B. Brainin
Quotes about accounting from folk wisdom
If your accountant pays all taxes, let him receive a salary from the tax office.
A good accountant dies on the job, a bad one dies in prison.
An experienced accountant keeps assets and liabilities in different hemispheres of the brain.
The work of an accountant is dangerous: one, two - and miscalculated.
Life is the best accountant. You will never pay her less than you received from her.
Analysts, if right, are very approximate. Accountants, even if they are wrong, are accurate to the penny.
Accounting is the triumph of mathematics over reason.
Only wise men and accountants are equally calm about money.
Economic crisis will reveal what auditors are not able to detect
Something has become boring in our group
Let's have a quick snack with cupcakes
Let's make coffee 
or green tea, or maybe black who loves = all for a snack
Let's laugh about our sore
Never do anything right the first time - otherwise no one will appreciate how difficult it was
There are many ways to make a career, and the surest of them is to be born into the right family.
The date of the beginning of the world could only be determined by accountants
From the mouth of an accountant: "What are you getting through everything?
No orgasm compares to what you experience when the balance converges!
If you look like a passport photo, then it's time for you to go on vacation.
Do not rush to throw away old registers and reports! Throw them away slowly, with pleasure.
I used to love books, but now NC is printed.
If tax audit suspiciously long dragged on, it's time to do accounting entry Dt04 Kt10.
If, when filling out the line of the declaration "for payment", the columns seem too narrow for you - it's time to attend advanced training courses
If a black tax inspector with empty buckets crossed your path on your way to work, it's time to take a vacation.
Rejoice, now "Kama Sutra" is printed for accountants - all poses in NK
***
the life of an accountant is divided into the delivery of a report and memories of it
and your freedom - VAT
And if it weren't for taxes, what would we all be doing?
Murphy's law for an accountant:
If the balance has not converged, then there is one mistake in it.
If the balance converged, then there are two errors in it.
Money is bad. They prevent us from loving the tax office.
If you break the rules, you are fined; if you follow the rules, you are taxed. (Laurence Peter)
Paid taxes and sleep peacefully. On benches, in basements, at the station...
Radio interception. Center - Eustace: "Urgently pay taxes."
It is easier to make an accountant out of a person than a person out of an accountant.
This is a service, not a service; service ahead!
If your accountant regularly pays all taxes, let him receive a salary in the tax office
A tax inspector is a person who always comes to the rescue
A good accountant is expensive, a bad one is even more expensive.
BAD ADVICE
What to do if you do not have time to submit the report on time
1. Tell your boss that your computer is not working well, probably an unfavorable geomagnetic day.
2. If they do not immediately believe, specify that some program is most likely to blame.
3. If it doesn’t work out here, as if by accident, knock over a cup of sweet coffee on the keyboard, preferably with liquor.
The report will still have to be done, but you will assign the job to a computer engineer.
At the same time, be prepared for some noise and baseless accusations against you.
4. As soon as the computer scientist restores everything, invite him to drink coffee with you.
And again, now knock over both cups on the keyboard or monitor with a loud cry:
“Be careful, Vova, what did you do, I have a report!”
5. If you need to turn on the kettle, and all the sockets are busy, feel free to pull out the power plug of the server.
There should still be an uninterruptible power supply, and if not, then the system engineer himself is to blame.
6. Ask a colleague to explain how the scanner works, how to choose a sweet watermelon, or how to insulate a balcony.
Immediately complain to the boss that you are being distracted from work with all sorts of nonsense just when you need to submit a report.
7. If that doesn't work, delete a couple of important files.
At first, the system manager will simply restore them.
Second time, think about it.
On the third - finally pay attention to you.
As soon as he begins to explain something, act on the second part of paragraph number 6.
8. Ask one of your fellow accountants to help you with the report.
Find a bunch of mistakes in his work, but do not focus the author's attention on them, do not accuse a colleague of incompetence.
Just immediately ask what educational institution he graduated from, how he got to this position and how long has he been doing this?
9. As a last resort, if the other eight methods do not help, without hesitation,
press different buttons on the keyboard, open the window, turn on the music and shout to the authorities that it is simply impossible to work in such conditions.
In general, we harm
From the life of accountants /history/
***
From the warehouse of grocery goods, they somehow brought an invoice for the write-off of goods. The invoice showed several packs of seeds marked "Eaten by some kind of rodent or pecked by some kind of bird"!
***
Tax inspector to a young accountant: Why don't assets and liabilities converge in your balance sheet? - And why should they converge? - But, excuse me, what about the principle double entry? - Someone has double accounting, but everything is clean with me: no double accounting!
***
It is no secret that in a small business, an accountant does everything possible, and even passes such a calculation as a fee for a negative impact on environment. An explanatory note is attached to this calculation.
In one of these notes it was written: "The source of water supply is the city sewerage. Water is used for customer service and cleaning of the premises"
***
A friend calls and asks how are you?
And that day I was brought by the boss, there was something he could understand in the reporting.
I say that’s it, I’m tired, I’m quitting, etc. The boss doesn’t understand, well, and all that ...
And she answered me and said that after what her new director gave her, all this is nonsense. She brought the reconciliation act to the director for signature, he examined it for a long time and at the end issued the phrase ...
I digress a little and remind you that we sometimes write the word "balance" "from-to".
So the director's phrase sounded like this: "Well," from "what number do I see, but" to "which you did not write"
***
The next period of reporting - all somersaults ... They ask me to hand over the calculator. I take a hole punch and hold it out ... Now we have a hole punch "Super Calculator"
***
Submitted quarterly reports to the Department of Statistics.
Today I called madam from there and said: “The program does not accept linear meters from us - count the veneer by the piece?!")))
For Dessert Tax Dictionary
Alternative humorous tax dictionary. We suggest supplementing the dictionary with your own interpretations in the comments.
Act - a directed action to suppress the will of the subject and the ability to resist
Checks - tutorial novice auditor to search for violations of the law. In the sections: "And it happens." "Pearls".
Excise - supertax. When ordinary taxes are not enough and the imagination is tight
Audit is a psychophysiological examination of a business entity. With diagnosis and treatment. At the expense of the patient. Sometimes it's forced.
Bankruptcy is an artificial tax legal device to avoid paying off debts or a way to bankrupt a competitor.
Accountant - see miner. A step to the right - a step to the left .... With an undiminished risk with each re-crossing of a once-cleared passage.
Accounting is a club of stubborn, courageous and resourceful professionals, risk takers.
The tax is a suffocating technique that bloodlessly takes the life of national and frightens off international business entities. In terms of effectiveness, it exceeds the methods of strangulation of combat JUDO and the use of operational-tactical nuclear weapons.
Amendment to the tax law - without 0.5L of the national drink, you can’t figure it out.
Checking - stress at the beginning, then by circumstances or by order.
- planned - for planned replenishment of the budget,
- unscheduled - a means of social protection of the authorities from the recalcitrant.
Revision - requires the cost of a snack.
****
Nothing strengthens faith in a person like an advance payment 
Got paid for six months. A trifle, but nice.
BUSINESS PRAYER
office humor
Our Father, like you, go to the office.
May our work be easy.
Yes, our bosses will go on vacation.
May our will be done.
Aki at work and at home.
Give us a daily day off, give us this day.
And vacation for this week.
And holidays for this month.
And forgive us our absenteeism.
As we forgive our superiors.
Don't bring us down.
But spare us the overtime.
For your kingdom is in raising wages and shortening the working day.
And give us Asya, even without her this work is not the kingdom of heaven.
And bury the system administrator under a bunch of floppy disks and compacts to burn him with a blue flame.
Spread, Lord, heavenly places in the form of bars and pubs around the office, for this majesty of your servants.
Do not leave, Lord, in difficult hours of oblivion in the morning, give strength
overcome hardships.
Make, Father, the whole world green, for green is the best color in your world, just like the color of American rubles.
Bring down on our heads a hail of dollars, euros and other goods.
And take this contribution of ours in the form of a prayer of thanksgiving.
In the name of control, viola and holy divider.
Accountant
Accountant
Who is an accountant? which solves your problems. which you did not know, in a way which you do not understand.
Accountant
Accountant
Only trousers can't fit with a real accountant.
Accountant
If the report converged, it will alert the inspector, and if it did not converge, then even more so.
Accountant
Accountant
Accountant
Accountant
Accountant
Accountant
Accountant
Accountant
Accountant
Accountant
aforisimo.ru
Famous quotes from accountants and about bookkeeping
29.02.2016 17:35 / UnknownA complex, exhausting and difficult profession, with constant reports, reconciliations and balancing, not like a child, tempers the specialists in their industry, making their minds sharper and brighter, giving rise to real catchphrases, aphorisms and quotes from accountants.
We offer you famous quotes from accountants!))
Famous quotes about accountants from Warren Buffett
The manager should not forget that accounting is only an addition to business thinking, and not a replacement for it.
It is much safer to steal large amounts with a ballpoint pen than meager amounts with a gun.
It is better to be sure of a good result than to hope for a wonderful result.
If you use calculations, you will not necessarily reach the top, but you will not plunge into madness.
Rules for an accountant:
Rule #1: Never lose money.
Rule #2: "Never forget rule #1"
Quotes about accountants from famous people
The unprecedented thickness of this report protected him from the danger of being read.
Winston Churchill
Patriotism ends when it comes to taxes.
George Orwell
How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? - "Four, because by calling the tail a leg, we do not make it one."
Abraham Lincoln
Damn lucky someone who never studied accounting. Then he would immediately understand that he was ruined. Well, everything seems to be going well.
Irvin Robbins
Only accountants can determine the date of the origin of the world.
Stanislav Jerzy Lec
There are three types of lies: bragging, lying, and…reporting.
Y. Bulatovich
The account book of one notorious office contained only two columns:
"Incoming" and "Outgoing".
A. Markov
Balance sheets are like war reports: the details are right, but the whole is a lie.
Round numbers always lie.
S. Johnson
A debit does not converge with a credit, but a person will always converge with a person.
B. Brainin
Quotes about accounting from folk wisdom
If your accountant pays all taxes, let him receive a salary from the tax office.
A good accountant dies on the job, a bad one dies in prison.
An experienced accountant keeps assets and liabilities in different hemispheres of the brain.
The work of an accountant is dangerous: one, two - and miscalculated.
Life is the best accountant. You will never pay her less than you received from her.
Analysts, if right, are very approximate. Accountants, even if they are wrong, are accurate to the penny.
Accounting is the triumph of mathematics over reason.
Only wise men and accountants are equally calm about money.
The economic crisis will reveal what the auditors are not able to detect
yenot.net
Accounting Aphorisms and Quotes
- For normal people, the year is divided into seasons, for accountants - into quarters.
Any program interferes with a bad accountant (a favorite saying of a system administrator).
Only a few know that millions are made up of zeros.
Accountants' best friends are calculators (a reversed quote from a famous song).
- Expenses always tend to exceed income.
Creditors have a better memory than debtors.
To whom much is given, much will be subtracted from him.
Three things can drive you crazy - it's love, vanity and learning problems monetary circulation.
- A good leader hires an optimist to be a salesperson and a pessimist to work in the credit department.
Wise men and cashiers are equally calm about money.
Balance sheets are like war summaries: the details are right, but the whole is a lie.
If your accountant regularly pays all taxes, then let him receive a salary from the tax office.
- The tax inspector is such a person who always comes to the rescue.
A good accountant is expensive, and a bad one is much more expensive (a very important aphorism, it is recommended to re-read).
Some try to hide their shortcomings, others - wealth.
The money you have is a weapon of freedom. The money you are chasing is a weapon of slavery. For accountants, money is the object of accounting.
- Finances are the fulcrum that, according to the saying of one ancient sage, allows you to turn the world upside down.
Sometimes a person does not know how rich he is until he finds out what rich people rob him. (Quote from one retired executive).
An accountant is a specialist who knows much more about money than the one who has it.
- Not all the profit that got into the wallet or account. (An important financial rule that some executives still don't understand.)
They do not live by income, but by expenses (a good proverb for those who like to spend money).
The most incomprehensible thing in this world is the tax scale.
If an accountant violates the rules, he is fined. If not, they are taxed.
- In time, a penny is more expensive than a ruble.
There is such a profession - to automate the Motherland (the motto of 1s-nicknames of the early 90s).
At first glance, it is difficult to fall in love with taxes, so you have to take a closer look, get around a couple of times.
www.kursc-online.ru
Aphorisms about accountants
Accountants love accuracy in everything. Therefore, we will not write many letters about taxes, accounting and the economy. We will briefly, with the help of aphorisms, talk about this.
You cannot properly pay taxes on your own. Proven by the tax authorities.
We were accustomed to black bookkeeping from school, when they said: “We write one, two in the mind!”
A few hours ago, the tax building caught fire. Citizens helped in whatever way they could: some with coal, some with firewood, and some with gasoline ...
What is an accountant. which solves your problems. which you did not know, in a way which you do not understand.
It is necessary to pay taxes as it is written in the legislation, and what is written in the legislation is decided by the tax authorities.
I used to pass the accounting exam at the institute on the third attempt, now at work I pass it to the tax office on the third attempt annual report...
Accountant Sidorov, upon receiving a passport, out of habit, signed his director.
An absent-minded accountant mistakenly gave the cleaner the director's salary. Three have a heart attack...
And the heroes Debit and Credit went out to an honest and equal fight not for life, but for death. And they "stood" opposite each other for days and nights until the accountant brought the balance in double bookkeeping ...
Why does an accountant need Wi-Fi on vacation? That's right, to work!
Two accountants are sitting, making a report. One thoughtfully asks: - Olya, how much older are you than me? - For 2 years and 3 quarters... ©http://www.pozdravik.ru/prikol-status/buhgalter-2
Aphorisms
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Talk in the smoking room of two accountants:
Hello Elena Yurievna!
- Hello, Gennady Vasilyevich!
- Elena Yuryevna, you are my debit balance, would you like to participate with me in the consolidated financial reporting tonight, eight o'clock, huh? I guarantee full autonomy of the enterprise and gross income, I take administrative costs and other operating expenses on my balance sheet
- Come on, Gennady Vasilyevich. I know you, as soon as you accept a couple of investments, you will immediately begin to hang your essence over my forms, and this is with your fixed assets. Still what good leasing will end. And I'm a decent woman, I have current obligations. Me home founder equity waiting, hungry and angry. And I still need to run through the shops - to bribe raw materials and materials. So sorry, I can't. Sometime next reporting period. Goodbye!
- Eh! - Gennady Vasilyevich sighed to himself, looking after her, - what undistributed profit is lost!
And she went further and further down the corridor, shaking assets and embodying the benefits of future periods.
You cannot properly pay taxes on your own. Proven by the tax authorities.
There is no such joke that the accounting department could not turn into a memo.
From the report of the head of the tax inspectorate: "It is difficult to find a black salary in a black economy, especially when there is no economy."
A taxi driver friend said: - If at three o'clock in the morning they call a taxi, and at the same time everyone is SOBER - it means that the accountant is for sure!
Tax inspection about accountants: "And yet they spin!"
At first glance, it is difficult to fall in love with taxes, so you have to take a closer look, get around a couple of times ...
The most difficult task facing parliamentarians is how to extract money from taxpayers without touching the voters.
In the firm, at the height of the working day, wild screams are heard, guys in camouflage and masks burst in. Everyone is in treason, then a cry: "Lie down, this is a robbery!" Chief Accountant, sinking to the floor: "They scared you, bastards, I thought it was the tax police ..."
A deranged accountant does not give himself an account.
Tax audit as a minibus. Gone?! Another one is coming!
I used to pass the accounting exam at the institute on the third attempt, now at work I submit the annual report to the tax office on the third attempt ...
Why are accountants mostly women? Because there is nothing to hang them.
V new version program "1C-Accounting 8" considers the issue of improving the toolbar. Instead of the standard button "Recalculate", the buttons "Recalculate as I want", "Recalculate as I want" will be added tax office", "Recalculate without source data" and "Recalculate correctly".
An intelligent-looking person appears in the office of a trading company and, right from the doorway, smiling joyfully, greets all those present: Good day WAS! I'm from the tax...
Accountant Sidorov, upon receiving a passport, out of habit, signed his director.
If the balance does not immediately converge, then there is an error in it. If the balance finally converged, then there are two mistakes.
I somehow did not like the phrase of our chief accountant, uttered with hysterical laughter: - What's the difference what to sit for - for a hundred thousand or for a billion and a half ...
An accountant cannot delay his salary - he will take it himself, and much more.
An absent-minded accountant mistakenly gave the cleaner the director's salary. Three have a heart attack...
There is a special place in hell for accountants who send details in electronic form as a picture.
Accounting. All with computers, calculators, sitting, counting. An old abacus hangs on the wall under glass. And under the glass there is a hammer and the signature: "In an emergency, break the glass" ...
I have a new accountant, born in 1951. Can you imagine, he took away his scores, so now he counts on the computer in Notepad ... in a column!
And the heroes Debit and Credit went out to an honest and equal fight not for life, but for death. And they "stood" opposite each other for days and nights until the accountant brought the balance in double bookkeeping ...
Two accountants are sitting, making a report. One thoughtfully asks: - Olya, how much older are you than me? - For 2 years and 3 quarters. . .
Dialogue in accounting:
Ira, you must be missing something in your life....
- In terms of?
- You wrote the word "crushed stone" without the letter "u" in the bills. Four times.
Why does an accountant need Wi-Fi on vacation? That's right, to work!
And the accountant will not leave work at all until all the profit according to the reports is converted into profit on the account!
When the boss talked about the start of the “White Salary” project, I thought that now the accounting department will go through as much as we received. But I never expected that we would receive as much as we spent in accounting ...
After coming Soviet power organized a collective farm in one of the villages of Central Asia. They elected a chairman, but there is no one worthy to appoint as an accountant. Well, they took one Uzbek, the most intelligent, sent to Moscow for accounting courses.
He returned to his native village and began to work quietly for himself. Started at the beginning of the year two ledgers. He called the first one "CAME" - and carefully wrote down all the documents for the parish there. The second one he called “GONE”, and in the same way he wrote down all the operations on the expense there. And he worked quietly for a whole year. But then the year is over - you need to balance. Sat down and started composing. He suffered for a long time, but his balance does not go, nothing happens, the debit does not converge with the credit. Then this Uzbek accountant thought about it, thought all day, remembered what they taught in the courses .... He took it and started a THIRD book - and called it “LEAVED AND NEVER COME AGAIN”!
Personnel officer who came to hire:
You don't seem to be moving enough for your age.
- And who do you need - an accountant or a monkey?
Narc got a job as an accountant. Got high. The invoice says: "$1000 was carried away by the mice."
Director:
- What are you, a boar, what kind of mice?!! I personally checked the warehouse not a single mink!
Narc, raising his red tired eyes:
- Etaa, well, how are they .... -bats.
The director of the winery with his accountant for service came to the regional city. When they turned to the hotel in the evening to spend the night, they were told that there was a room with one free bed.
- What do we do? the director asked
- To spend the night ON THE ONE BED, - answered the accountant.
- And how are we going to SLEEP? Like a director with an accountant or like a husband and wife?
- Like a HUSBAND WITH A WIFE...
Undress and lie down on the bed. The Director TURNED AWAY TO THE WALL AND... Snored.
We ordered a 17-inch monitor for one accountant instead of her old 15-inch ... I brought it, unpacked it, connected it. I turn it on - it works. Okay, I'm off to work...
Half an hour later this madam comes:
- So!!! I did not understand!!!
- What? Does not work?
- Have you installed a monitor? And left!!!…
- So what?
- And who will carry the information?
- Where?
- How!!! From the old monitor to the new one!!!
- Uh ... (How to describe it in words)
On my own behalf, I can add that from the information on the old monitor there was only a couple of Pokemon on suction cups and a calendar for 1999 eaten by cockroaches ...
One day, the American government purchased a deserted piece of land for a landfill. A night watchman was hired to guard the dump.
After some time, the check established that the watchman was working completely without instructions. By special order of Congress, a Planning Department was created with two employees: to write instructions and to supervise its work. After some time, it was necessary to check the work of the watchman: a Control Department was created with two employees - to directly control the watchman and to write reports on the work. To check the financial discipline of these departments, an Accounting Department was created with a timekeeper and an accountant., and for general management it was necessary to create an Administrative Department with a chief, his deputy and a lawyer.
A year later, Congress found that the government's spending on the landfill had exceeded $18,000, and a decision was made to save money.
The caretaker was fired.
Examples of explanatory notes late for work.
* Last night, our entrance was painted with bad paint. I left the apartment and stuck with my right foot, tore off my right foot, the left one stuck - tore off my left. Then a neighbor came out, also stuck, I had to help her. Ended up being 15 minutes late.
* I was late for three hours, because after yesterday's corporate holiday, in your honor, by the way, I came to my senses on a bench in a park in the city of Fryazino. How I got there, I don't know.
* I, Oleg Petrov, was late for work due to the fault of Mosgortrans. There was an emergency in the trolleybus in which I was traveling. The driver, apparently, was drunk, and his horns fell off. For a long time he did not admit that his horns had fallen, and said that we would go now. And since he was drunk, he could not lift them. Then he nevertheless confessed that the horns had fallen, but a lot of time passed. Then I went to work three stops on foot, as the trolleybuses did not run.
* I was late for work because of healthy lifestyle life! I went to work early, but because I didn't have cigarettes, I got hit hard on the head. I went to the infirmary, but it was closed. Then I bought a bottle of vodka and began to wash the wound. Therefore, I smell of alcohol, my face is broken, and poor speech and impaired coordination of movement are the result of a concussion! I didn't drink, to be honest.
* I was late for work for three hours, because I had no money for the tram and I got lost, I could not find your street. I didn’t come in work clothes, because I don’t have another one, but I will soon!
* I come to work later and later, because in the morning I run with the dog and at the same time we meet the sunrise, and the sun rises later and later. This will continue until December 22nd. After that, I undertake to come to work earlier and earlier.
A gross error was made in accounting, which had terrible consequences. The enraged boss runs into the room and grabs the accountant by the chest:
- One of the two of us is an idiot: either you or me!
Accountant(calmly):
- Chief, could you, with your experience and foresight, hire an idiot?
The accountant came with a friend to the Natural History Museum. Stopping near the dinosaur, he said to a friend:
This dinosaur is two million years and ten months old.
- How did you know so exactly?
- Count yourself: I was here ten months ago, and the guide said that the dinosaur is two million years old
One day the accountant was crossing the road. A frog called him and said: "Kiss me, and I will turn into a beautiful princess." He bent down, took it and put it in his pocket. Frog again: “Kiss me and I will turn into a beautiful princess. I'll stay with you for a week." The accountant took the frog out of his pocket, smiled, and put it back in his pocket. The frog begged: "Kiss me, I will turn into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you forever, I will do whatever you say." Again the accountant took out the frog, smiled, and put it back in his pocket. The frog was surprised: “What's the matter? I say, I am a beautiful princess, I will live with you, do everything you say. Why don't you kiss?" The accountant replied: “You see, I am an accountant, there is no time for girls, but the talking frog is cool!
Manufacturers software The US has made a startling discovery. It turns out that the reading speed of Russians is hundreds of thousands of times higher than the reading speed of Americans. This became obvious after counting the milliseconds it takes the average Russian to read the user (license) agreement and click "AGREE".
School friends got together 20 years later. They began to tell who became who. Masha is a doctor, Petya is an engineer, Vitya is a programmer, Olya is an accountant... And Vovochka became a general.
This is where everyone chimed in:
- Yes, in your life 2x2 did not know how much it would be! How did you become a general?
Vovochka will bark in a commanding voice:
- I still don't know! slamming his fist on the table. - But by the morning to be!
Checking accounting documentation in the food warehouse, the auditor found the item "Funds allocated for the maintenance of a device for quality control of fish products." The auditor rummaged through the accompanying technical documentation for a long time - they do not have such a device. In the end, he asked me to demonstrate this device.
It turned out, accountants couldn't figure it out how to write off the money going to grub for the warehouse cat Evlampy.
Omon is stopped by a grandfather who is carrying something in flasks on a horse.
- What are you bringing grandfather, show me, there is a whirlwind of anti-terror.
Grandfather scared
- Yes, coconut milk, I'm taking sour cream.
-Well, let me try, grandfather, we have never tried
Well they tried to say
- A good milk, okay, go with God.
Well, the grandfather takes the reins and says to the horse, "But the Coconut, that got up, let's go ......"
Dad, what's the alternative?
- It is difficult to explain in a nutshell, well, here's an example for you:
- You work at a factory, from year to year you plow and plow, gradually saving money. At one point, you have enough money to move to the village. You buy a dozen eggs and hatch chickens out of them. You feed them, give them water, take care of them, they grow up and start laying eggs. And you put them in an incubator and now you already have thousands of chickens. You take care of them and now you have thousands of adult chickens. And now these thousands of chickens begin to lay eggs - you are already a cool farmer! And then the flood - full ...! And your whole farm is washed away, everything is dead, everything is washed away ...
- Dad, well, where is the alternative?
- Ducks, son, ducks!
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